The Hairy Haggis

It's that time O the year to celebrate the Bard. First you must catch your Hairy Haggis!

These little creatures are very shy and EXTREMELY wiley - so you must proceed with caution and patience! I find the best place to find them is behind or under Highland heather bushes, although I have been known to catch a couple lurking near thistles! Having caught your haggis - you must treat it with GREAT respect and cook it well for the Burns Night Tribute Supper! That is why my haggis is baked instead of boiled - and it is served with special Cumberland sauce with lashings of good Scotch whisky! Other traditional accompaniments are: clapshot, bashed neeps and tatties, rumbledethumps, buttered leeks, skirlie mash, champit tatties and buttered cabbage. Don't forget the "correct" format for a Burns Night Supper:

Chairperson's opening address. A few welcoming words start the evening and the meal commences with the Selkirk Grace. The company are asked to stand to receive the haggis. A piper then leads the chef, carrying the haggis to the top table, while the guests accompany them with a slow handclap. The chairman or invited guest then recites Burns' famous poem To A Haggis, with great enthusiasm. When he reaches the line 'an cut you up wi' ready slight', he cuts open the haggis with a sharp knife. It's customary for the company to applaud the speaker then stand and toast the haggis with a glass of whisky. The Immortal Memory: One of the central features of the evening; an invited guest is asked to give a short speech on Burns. There are many different types of Immortal Memory speeches, from light-hearted to literary, but the aim is the same - to outline the greatness and relevance of the poet today.

Toast To The Lasses: The main speech is followed by a more light-hearted address to the women in the audience. Originally this was a thank you to the ladies for preparing the food and a time to toast the 'lasses' in Burns' life. The tone should be witty, but never offensive, and should always end on a concilliatory note. Response: The turn of the lasses to detail men's foibles. Again, should be humorous but not insulting.

Poem and Songs: Once the speeches are complete the evening continues with songs and poems. These should be a good variety to fully show the different moods of Burns muse. Favourites for recitations are Tam O' Shanter, Address to the Unco Guid, To A Mouse and Holy Willie's Prayer. The evening will culminate with the company standing, linking hands and singing Auld Lang Syne to conclude the programme.